I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Channelling my thoughts has resulted in a lot of writing. Channelling my thoughts has resulted in a lot of GREAT writing. The writing that matters. The composition of placing words together to convey deep and complex meanings. Prose that can break your heart, or heal your heart. That is what I have always wanted, for my words to matter.
As I am maturing and I find I am taking life’s hardships with more grace and dignity, I see the transformation in my words. My poetry offers wisdom of an old soul, not a young, lost girl trying to find her place in this world. Sure, I have days where all I want to do is bundle up in a blanket and cry. I’m human.
I realize that maybe there is truth to the notion that our destiny is pre-written ‘mapped in the stars.’ The past few years have changed me. More so than I could ever imagine. Taking a step back. Seeing this ‘timeline’ from an eternal optimists perspective. The truly heinous events of the past few years have enriched my life and in some ways equally attributed positives just as much as negatives.
I have never appreciated my family more than I do at this very moment. It’s been a rollercoaster. Of shame. Of pain. Of anger. Negativity boiling inside to the point of spilling over, All due to selfish actions that caused pain to others. But now, after the chaos has calmed–I love my family and would do anything and everything on earth for them. No regrets. Just pure, unconditional love.
Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. Even if someone doesn’t deserve it, YOU deserve to be free. Forgive…Move on. Make peace with the past. Make peace with someone that has broken your heart and you will find a new sense of peace. Send a letter to someone who has hurt you. Even just wish them well. It will lift you, prepare you even more for the next stages of life. Prepare you to whole-heartedly offer your love and friendship to the next great person you meet in life.
I can honestly state that five-year old Lisa, who dreamed of being a writer—her dream came true. I am more than content with my path of writing, I feel successful, and I feel proud of myself. I think if life had never sent me down this path I would no longer love the art of creativity.
I appreciate life more than I ever could have imagined.
I know who my true friends are. I have friends who have become family. Who have seen me at my best, and still welcome me into their heart at my worst. Friends who have enriched and changed my life. Friends who have taught me that heroes are real, and they can be found within the smiling, caring face of a friend. There are no secrets between anyone I hold in my heart, the truth is as open as what we order at a cafe. Life is chaotic. But, amidst the chaos I have found comfortable peace through a positive mentality.
Life will never ever be perfect. I think that is just a straight across the board rule, an IDEA of perfection is forever unattainable, and striving for if makes us unhappy, so what is the point? The sweet silver lining of tragedy, grief, desperation and illness—you find out what really matters. To you. To your life. In the long run, who you are As a person and the person you want to be.
My grandmother is the reason I am the person I am today. Losing her was like losing a limb. When her hand was no longer there for me to hold I didn’t understand how I could possibly survive in a world without her in it. I pressed on. The world continued to spin, even though it felt like it shouldn’t. When I miss her so much it hurts, I remember: how lucky am I to have had such a wonderful relationship, to have had such a great person in my life that makes missing them hurt so terribly? She is my idol, my muse, my light, my hope—my heart. She is all of those things. Present tense. The love you have for someone never leaves you, the light they bring you never dims. She is everywhere. I just need to open my eyes and my heart to look. She is in my mothers laugh. She is in the beautiful birdsong on a cold winter afternoon. She is the first buds of flowers in spring…She is everything that makes life beautiful. Just because she is somewhere else, doesn’t mean any of those things have changed.
Opening my eyes…I see truth from a new perspective. You never lose people. They are with you everyday. I know the people who aren’t alive in this world anymore, are alive and well somewhere else…another dream that has yet to be seen. But I surely know, they are alive and well, and will meet me when it’s time for that dream to begin. I carry that notion with me. I need to live a rich, colourful life so I have good stories to report back with when I see them next.
We carve out unhappiness for ourselves. Life is always what you make of it. You can choose to keep your head high, spirits hopeful and live—choose to be free, no matter your circumstance. Or, you can be grounded with the heavy weight of what if, or the cards life has dealt you.
The weight is a gift.
Every heartache, loss, every tear you have cried has led you to the point you are at. Grief and tragedy don’t change you, they simply reveal you. Instead of feeling a victim to the cards you have been dealt, carry the weight as a gift. Let your lessons ground you. Let the love you have professed steer your life in the right direction. Don’t be sad that what once was, no longer psychically is–the love we share, the friendships we’ve had, the wonderful people whom have left this world for the next stage of paradise—they are always with us. Don’t look at their absence as a loss. Let the weight of their memory be a gift.The weight is a gift. It makes you who you are.
Life is short. Terrible. Beautiful.
It is written in the stars…We are all subject to fate…The path that we choose to take, that though, is up to us. The cards we are dealt are pre-determined, how we choose to play them that is up to us. Maybe some people are meant to endure great tragedy, because they are strong enough to endure, and intelligent enough to inspire others as they navigate through their pain. Maybe some are meant for easier paths…Whatever comes, it is meant to….And if something is meant to be, I have no doubt it can be endured and something positive and enriching can result from a rough patch from the cards of fate.
I choose to be happy. I choose to pursue my dreams. I choose to push those I love to be at peace with themselves, and know they are a marvel just as they are.
The most simplistic and beautiful advice:
Just live—and be happy.