The Golden Haired Girl

I thought I saw myself in a crowded room
Darting out a back corner
Disappearing with the flashes of light

I searched

Trying desperately to find the girl
That used to be me

Whenever I’d catch a glimpse
I’d chase her

She existed everywhere
And nowhere at the same time

Day after day

I searched

For the golden haired girl
That I used to be

Believing if I could find her
Our two halves would make one whole

Did she not recognize me?
Was that why she ran and disappeared?

Could she not see the pale beauty she had evolved into?

We were one of the same
Surely she should have recognized the reflection on the other side of the mirror

I found my answer
As I met her face to face

She didn’t have a place in this world
She no longer exists
Cancer killed the girl I used to be

There was no reverting back

I didn’t need to explore the past to make myself whole
I didn’t need to trade on tragedy to define my life

I had to enrich my future
The beautiful days ahead

That was where my mind belonged

Bright eyed and beautiful
The world at my feet

The golden haired girl is a ghost
One that no longer haunts my dreams
Nor my waking hours

I’ve put her to rest
Buried with all my wishes to change the past
Buried with all my incessant fears

By living for today

Embracing life

She has the surviving part down
Now she will focus on the thriving

There is only room for one face in the mirror

It is mine

One born of dignity and pride
One born of bravery and change

Above all
Strength